Pathetic

Probably the very best thing I can do right now
is cut off my right leg at the knee and get a prosthetic device.

Normal strait-ahead walking is no problem.

There aren't many stairs in my life... but when I do go up and down I must be cautious because if my step is at just the right angle, I will feel minor pain. It's not a bad pain but it's a pain none-the-less. The same thing happens on flat ground, when my foot is planted, and I twist my leg just the right way -- minor pain. Each occurence ticks me off more than anything. Still?!?!?

Yesterday was yet again another Zilch Day -- no run, no hike.

I felt okay to get out on the trail for a short hike. I thought that an hour and a half to 2 hours would be okily dokily no problemino, neighborino. And since I felt that way I felt good that not hitting the trail would be a GREAT cautious zero day i.e. great rest for healing.

And today will be yet again another Zilch Day -- no run, no hike.

The minor pain has returned or at least today I'm noticing it again

I'm wondering if I need surgery.

I cannot afford that plus I completely despise the astronomical costs that are often like 500 times more than they need to be.

But this pain simply will not completely go away. I can't even find solace in the fact that it's not horrible pain by any means... always minor and more like a discomfort than a pain that I dread. It's never a pain that makes me go "Owww!" It's not like that at all. But it's there.

All I wanna do is be back to normal. I wanna run. I wanna hike. I need a vacation with my backpack on, out on a trail, overnight, quiet, outdoors, peaceful, pain-free, the stars above, a campfire to enjoy at the end of the day. What I certainly do not want is for my every step to hurt. Hitting a trail with 35-40 pounds on my back just might bring that on. And then what if the fracture becomes a true break? Potentially I could force myself into that where I'd literally need to crawl for help.

I'm in hell and I'm ready to get out the saw and just be done with it.