Saturday, September 1, 2007

Pathetic


Probably the very best thing I can do right now

is cut off my right leg at the knee and get a prosthetic device.

Normal strait-ahead walking is no problem.

There aren't many stairs in my life... but when I do go up and down I must be cautious because if my step is at just the right angle, I will feel minor pain. It's not a bad pain but it's a pain none-the-less. The same thing happens on flat ground, when my foot is planted, and I twist my leg just the right way -- minor pain. Each occurence ticks me off more than anything. Still?!?!?

Yesterday was yet again another Zilch Day -- no run, no hike.

I felt okay to get out on the trail for a short hike. I thought that an hour and a half to 2 hours would be okily dokily no problemino, neighborino. And since I felt that way I felt good that not hitting the trail would be a GREAT cautious zero day i.e. great rest for healing.

And today will be yet again another Zilch Day -- no run, no hike.

The minor pain has returned or at least today I'm noticing it again

I'm wondering if I need surgery.

I cannot afford that plus I completely despise the astronomical costs that are often like 500 times more than they need to be.

But this pain simply will not completely go away. I can't even find solace in the fact that it's not horrible pain by any means... always minor and more like a discomfort than a pain that I dread. It's never a pain that makes me go "Owww!" It's not like that at all. But it's there.

All I wanna do is be back to normal. I wanna run. I wanna hike. I need a vacation with my backpack on, out on a trail, overnight, quiet, outdoors, peaceful, pain-free, the stars above, a campfire to enjoy at the end of the day. What I certainly do not want is for my every step to hurt. Hitting a trail with 35-40 pounds on my back just might bring that on. And then what if the fracture becomes a true break? Potentially I could force myself into that where I'd literally need to crawl for help.

I'm in hell and I'm ready to get out the saw and just be done with it.

2 comments:

Oceanshaman said...

Having successfully resisted my midget nazi monkey molester impulses, I comment as follows:

I feel your pain. Since October 20th of last year, until October 24th upcoming, I have had a federal home detention bracelet around my ankle, thus killing my ability to surf, run, hike, camp, and otherwise get away. Meditation and tai chi are good, but, DAMN, I'm itchin' for a good 4 or 5 day jaunt in the wilderness . . .

My own damn fault, by the way. You can read about it in the very first post on my blog . . .

Namaste, my friend . . .

PS- 9-2-85, Oklahoma City, OK . . . worth a listen . . .

Diana said...

I had to SEARCH for that comment link. You are so driving me nuts here... I can't remember why I was looking now. That whole below 40ºF totally freaks me out as it's about 96º outside.

Wait!! It was our association game!!

What were our questions again?? :)

one says one number and the other another
but they were set at the same time. Hmmm...

 
Calvin and Hobbes in the snow -- animated