In Hell

All of a sudden life has changed. Hopefully temporarily.

This is only the end of Crisis Day 1
but I have absolutely no sign that anything's going to change.

Today was a great day for my leg.
Could've gone for a rehab hike,
but the day of rest was probably for the best.
Still it was yet another Zilch Day with no run and no hike.

Tomorrow I was planning on that hike...

but frankly I don't give a damn, not with my hearing loss.

Have tried:

• hydrogen peroxide
• isopropyl alcohol
• soap & water
• olive oil
• and again baking soda & water.

Which has worked? Nothing's worked.

My left ear is somehow obstructed or impaired almost completely. This is a very strange feeling. The most depressing thing about this:

I have lost my freedom to enjoy music.

There's no way I'm gonna use earphones and just hear in one ear. Play through normal speakers? I don't seem to do that much anymore... not that I'm done listening through speakers forever, just am not right now and not about to change. Why? Digital music files are on the computer and can't bring the computer to the other room or with me anywhere but besides, the computer's speakers are nowhere near loud enough or have the range stereo speakers do, and to listen through a normal CD player and normal speakers I'd have to buy CDR blanks and burn discs which I also don't do... I'm weird.

And even if I was going to, I'd still be hearing through only 1 ear while this odd feeling constantly attacks me. There isn't a single minute that goes by that life is enjoyable right now. This is messed up.

I'm actually somewhat scared. I don't get scared. Nothing scares me.
But now this does.

Music's almost a backbone of this life of mine... now what?

I'm actually already thinking of selling/giving away all my CDs and deleting the gigs of music files I have. At this moment right here right now -- they're useless to me.