Your shower shoes have fungus on them.

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
What was the last game you purchased?

Monopoly Junior. Several years ago. Had it all nicely wrapped and ready to put under the tree... then the little girl I bought it for vanished from my life forever. I still have it. It's still wrapped.

Soup
Name something in which you don’t believe.

That it was wrong to militarily remove Saddam Hussein from power. Evil like that should NEVER be appeased... but it was and for way too long.

Here's what I do believe in:

I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good Scotch, long foreplay, show tunes and that the novels of Thomas Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe that there oughta be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the "sweet spot", voting every election, soft core pornography, chocolate chip cookies, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet kisses that last for 7 days.

Salad
If you could choose a celebrity to be your boss, who would you pick?

Celebrity is a word that should cease to have significant meaning in American society. It is completely pathetic that the citizenry of this nation idolizes movie stars and singers and models and hotel chain heiresses. Holding these people up as gods and caring about their personal lives just encourages the paparazzi scum to keep feeding the tabloids with pictures which keeps America wanting more. So sick. It's no wonder Al Qaeda wants us dead. Sometimes you can't blame them!

Main Course
What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?

That it's probably best to not jump the turnstiles rather than paying for the PATH train fare. Even at 3 in the morning, cops are watching. I'm 100% certain that they just might wanna take you into custody. Not fun, especially if you're held for more than 24 hours when some idiot cop should have just written you a citation and sent you on your way but instead he hauls your ass to jail where you sit and sit and sit and sit while waiting to see a judge, for more than 24 hours you're sittin' there and you could get held so long that you won't get to use your mailorder ticket for the last Grateful Dead show at Madison Square Garden.
Thanks, Port Authority.

Dessert
Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.

There isn't one that's perfect because you can't make the world go away, no matter what, it's still gonna be outside the walls that you are hiding behind. To ignore the world would be ignorant.