One day is fine, next is black

Bourbon and a bagel for breakfast? Why the heck not. 58° and raining and I've gotta walk to the local convenience store for a Coke so's I can properly wash down this bourbon. Me not a straight drinker of the spirit, no way... tequila, sure, but not bourbon. Good breakfast -- couple shots with a Coke, actually not a Coke, that's sort of a lie, I bought an RC Cola. Good to start the day with bourbon. Nothing better at 7:45 a.m. i always say. Well, maybe not always but now. I always wonder what the cashier at the grocery store thinks when I'm buyin' a 6 of Newcastle or Sam Adams at 7:15 a.m. I coulda sarted with the beer but the bourbon first is perfect. oh yeah. and a bagel, of course. not really of course 'cause i don't eat bagels often but bein' from northern New Jersey, they're in my blood. Didn't quite get good NY bagels, or even northern NJ bagels... but okay. Besides, when you're drinkin, what the dang heck does it matter? all's i know is i've gotta stop diong this. bad news, man. then walkin' back from the cinvenince ctore (wow... without correcting i am typing wayyyyyy badly but who gives a crap.) anyway, where was i? almost got creamed by a truck. well, i could've if i wanted to. thought aabout it. I did want to but I'm not completely ready. Besides, what if the driver of the truck swerved and hit something or someone else and the injury wasn't just to me? That wouldn't be good. That's not the right way to die. The right way is let the physical just be you but maybe let another or others see it happen so they have to live with what they've done. That always sounds good to me. Almost revenge but I know revenge is wrong. I dunno. Anyway, twas a Cheerwine truck, i noticed. he was barrelin' down, doin' a whole maybe 40 in a 35, maybe 45 he was doin. coulda killed me, sure, had i been hit the right way. believe me, i thought about it. all's i coulda done was not crossed at the second i did and waited a few seconds. Emeril doing color commenatary mighta gone, "BAM!" Yeah, man. That'd a-been a waste of an RC Cola (and a small bag of Fritos.) $2.65 that coulda gone into my will (recipient not yet chosen, thought it was but now not sure... I've really gotta get that done 'cause who the hell knows what can happen... what will happen, what might... what will.... but when? Hard to say.)

Anyway, where was I? 2 minute walk back i thought of -- Should I Stay or Should I Go? Tough question to answer. Not much reason to stay, is there, Ame? Juliet doesn't think so either. I'd tell you both to go to hell but A) I can't because I'm not a mean, heartless bastard and B) maybe you're right. Too much hope to go but it sucks like the worst hell to stay.

Beer time, #2.

Gotta love an overcast rainy day. Practically black outside and it's 8-something a.m -- perfectly matches this feeling of despair. Tis weird 'cause it ain't all bad. Watched CSI: Miami earlier and it was a decent 44 minutes (On Demand, without commercials) of semi-relief. Dang thing is i don't wanna fill my life with TV. I didn't watch much that to begin with now I'm filling 44 minutes here, 60 minutes there with Monk and Psych and Trauma and CSI and NCIS and there's more I could try and might 'cause music only goes so far. Music? Music's good, too... but there are just do many frickin' hours in a day to fill.

This has gotta stop. Something's gotta give.

Love & Rockets

few yrs after their prime but still darn good