Olympic Gold Glitters Gluttonously

God Bless America -- Home of the Free, Land of the Feed Those Who Can Already Feed Themselves.

Michael Phelps, swimmer extraordinaire/fish, is coming back to the United States with a record 8 Gold Medals. Beijing been berry berry good to Michael Phelps. He ain't just a-comin' home with gold but with sponsorships up the old ying yang. Speedo, maker of those hideous things some call bathing suits (a.k.a. banana hammocks) is giving Mikey $1,000,000 for winning those 8 golds. Not bad, I guess. Perhaps he earned it. I'm all for capitalism.

But there are two very shocking things related to the winning of those Olympic gold medals -- Mr. Phelps' diet is one.

What kind of pathetically selfish human being consumes 12,000 calories a day? Phelps starts "his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread - capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs - what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen - with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza.

He washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks."

Hey, Mike, how many nations on Earth have children who don't consume 12,000 calories in a month? Maybe you know? I'm just wondering. There are places where children have to scavenge through garbage dumps in order to find a few precious morsels that they'll share with their siblings. I could be wrong but I'm guessing they don't quite get 12,000 calories from their daily trips to look through the trash. Maybe you'd like to sit down and take some video of you eating just one meal, send that video to them, and maybe it'll make them feel better.

Does winning so many gold medals help rid the soul of the guilt? The million bucks probably helps, too. Maybe you had no guilt to begin with?

Also disturbing in The Gluttony of Michael Phelps is Pizza Hut's involvement. Between 3 and 5 million dollars is what Phelps, pre-2008 Summer Olympics, was estimated to be earning. So long as it's made morally and legally (I guess illegally would be immorally,) once again, I'm all for capitalism and that's fine. I've just gotta wonder -- does the dude really need free pizza and pasta for a year? You've got to be kidding me.

Hey, Pizza Slut, rather than give free food to someone who can afford to buy a few dozen pies every single day, why not donate food/money to feed human beings who live in poverty and may die from starvation? Just a thought. If not then I want to congratulate you for helping feed someone who is rich, someone who can afford to feed himself. Way to go!!! You've done well!!!!

To help feed those Michael Phelps and Pizza Hut neglect, consider a donation to Oxfam International. Just click the logo or link below for more information.

www.oxfam.org