Friday, September 25, 2009


Great line from a Doors song goes "Woke up this morning anfd I got myself a beer." 6:08 a.m. and no, I haven't woken up but I'm surely polishing off this second 6-pack. Not good. I'm noyt a drunk, I swear. No, really, well,maybe I have a propensity to be one... but I don't want to be one.... ya know, it just happens, tis called SELF MEDICATION, I believe. Sure, I coulda just taken some sleeping pills and knocked myself out but ........ but qwhat? Why did i choose this path rather than sound sleep? LOUD PEARL JAM TEN blaring in my ears, maybe some Temple of the Dog next should I be able to stay awake for a couple more beers and then sleep. Why alcohol? Why not the sleeping pills to knock me out for 8 hours? I don't know. Crappy mood -- why sleep? Why not just stay awake and dwell on the hurt while maybe digging some gfreat music? before this was Nine Inch Nails and their debut from 1989: Pretty Hate Machine. GREAT f'in' album!! Another one now. But along with the great music comes Deep Thoughts and not of the Jack Handy kind that make you laugh, no, none of those, just Deep Thoughts and misspellings that make me wonder do I want to correct them or not? MNaybe. Not that time. Don't care. Just -- drink.

Drinka nd turn up the tunes. Jeremy spoke in class today. Lemon yellow sun -- wow, this a downer of a song... but it's soooooooo good!

Grateful Dead? Yeah, I hoid of 'em. Maybe soon. Seemed a harmless little fuck. Nashed his teeth and bit the recess ladies breast. Yada yada yada, Eddie Vedder.


Life sure is messed up, ain't it? What the hell are ya to do? Die? Sure. Maybe. Or try to see a better tomorrow....... HAAAA! Better next week or better next month but better in the next 24 hours is a tough demand to meet.

Rambling....... my ears are not going to make it to Age 70 assuming I live another week or two. LOUD PEARL JAM! (Is there any other way to play PJ?!?!)

What's most screwed up, and this won't apply to non-Christians, is I kjnow this ain't what God wants for me......... yet alcohol just seems so logical...... even though a lot of it gives me a headache. I'm not even sure what's it's doing for me. Anything psoitive? Nope. That's fior dang sure. Just making me think more.... maybe.... I dunno, probably considering without it I'd be crashed out asleep and not thinking a damn thing.

Onc.e....... don't know the lyrics so no sing along. Once, upon a time, i could control myself.

Wow, i could easily be an alcohlic. this is not good. did i mention that ? is any Pearl jam album after this worth it? really? Maybe a little but not as much as Ten. no way.

once, upon a time, i could love myself. once, upon a time, i could love you.

i still can. i still do.

anyway........... even flow -- my own mix of the album so it's next and now and yeah i
i've got two beers to go and i think i see the sun beginning to shine, well, not really shine but show some light outside.

no more. typing that is. Maybe i'll rip that second Furthur show and post it today. Or that dang Oxford Plains show that I've already written a review for.... but I wanna listen to it again -- SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright well no commas needed anymore as I've finished this beer and whoa i need to correct my spelling here like every 5 seconfds or else i'mgonna loook like i can't type and usually i take pride in making suire i can spell everuthhing corectly but right now i ust don't care.

Hmm.... maybe some Living Colour next? 9/11/09 from Teaneck, New Jersey at a jopint called Mexicalu Blyues, yeah, like the GD song if it wasn't mispelled by me. Anyway......



Anonymous said...

Hey Now,

It's time for you to let go of the perpetual hell you allowed to put yourself in over life circumstances.You have been on a roll of self pitty for too long, get back to the person who was looking beyound themself and focus on the music, remember ? "When you get confused listen to the music play" they meant it pal, so get back to reality, put the plug in the jug and heal or you will continue yor spiral downward

Zoooma said...

I'm reminded of a song by The Byrds which I'm sure everyone over like a certain age knows: Turn! Turn! Turn! (to Everything There Is a Season)

Those lyrics are based on Eccliastes 3: 1-8 from a book called The Bible.

We generally know seasons as Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall but neither the song or the source tells us how long a season that they're talking about is supposed to be... and they're not talkin' about Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.

How long will this season I am in last? Good question. I dunno. What I'm going through shouldn't be something so easily thrown away like garbage down the drain, adios, hope you enjoyed the flight, BUH bye. It just shouldn't... Ame.

Some days are fine, some days suck ass. Some days I dig the tunes, some days I don't. When will life return to normal? I have no idea what normal is anymore.

I posted a show the other day and while some don't care for '09 post-GD stuff, to me that was a normal day 'cause I was so into those tunes that almost nothing coulda made my day any better. Other days -- they don't go so well. Breaking out of a season ain't something I can just control. All I can do is hope and pray that normalcy will return a.s.a.f'in.p. And in the event it does not, hopefully I can have a day here and a day there where a show is a good thing that I can really get into so I can post it up for everyone to also enjoy. This is reality and it's a harsh reality and believe me, a downward spiral is NOT what I want. To focus on the music just ain't as simple to do as it may sound.

Paticus said...

very sorry you are hurting.I am having a hard time coming up with anything but cliches, but hang in there, my friend.
on a side note, I have been to Mexicali Blues in Teaneck, many moons ago.It was a mexican restaurant that was Grateful Dead themed. is till have the menu somewhere. I'll have to find it.Food wasn't too bad, if I remember correctly.
Be well.

Anonymous said...

The first six Pearl Jam offerings are ALL GOOD. They started to decline on Riot Act (and I'm fairly certain that a significant part also is that I'm old...).

Alcohol can help, but certainly the escape is temporary. I hope that your pain and suffering pass quickly.

In ancient times there was a proverb called: “Suffering loss brings blessings.” The true meaning of enduring loss is that bad karma can be transformed into virtue. The things people accomplish in their lives are possible through exchanging virtue. When one’s actions cause harm to others, it creates karma and brings loss of virtue. Looking at it from this point of view, suffering loss is indeed a blessing.


Anonymous said...

.."What's most screwed up, and this won't apply to non-Christians, is ..."

what the hell do you mean???

Darkstarz said...

ZOOOMA!!!! Remember everything has its reasons for happening. I myself am not very religious. Yet, to see someone who is and finds themselves slipping saddens me. Granted, I know we don't see eye to eye on certain things. However, I still care for your well being.

As for Pearl Jam, I am not sure they have ever released a bad album. Check out Eddie Vedder's solo album. The soundtrack Into The Wild. That album has helped me through some rough times. Ahh... the power of good ole American rock and roll. Sure the Grateful Dead are excellent, but Pearl Jam are a close second for me in best American Rock Band Ever.

Anyways, I truly hope you find your ground man.

It's so easy to slip
It's so easy to fall
And let your memory drift
And do nothing at all
All the love that you missed
All the people that you can't recall
Do they really exist
At all?

afterthegoldrush said...

It has been awhile(a really long while)since I have been here.I am not sure what is hurting you and it is none of my business. But......
For the last several years, I was pretty much in the same boat as it appears you are in. I was not suicidal, but I did have those thoughts. I did not care if I lived or died. My life was one big circle of going to a job that I despised...coming home to nothing and drinking myself to oblivion...
going to sleep and dreading the next day, because I knew that it would be the same day as yesterday
and the day before. Now that I look back, I was afraid of life.
For some reason(possibly Divine intervention) my environment began to change. I stepped down from my stressful management position at work. I stopped drinking myself to sleep. When my mind cleared, Jesus Christ found me again and asked me to come on board.
I now go to work and enjoy it.
I now drink what I called my "6 step brew"-1/2 real beer and 1/2 N/A beer.
I still have no significant other in my life, but things are looking up.
Like I said, I do not know your story and it is none of my business
but take it from a fellow blogger
who has been to Hell and back:
Put the alcohol away and start living again, because you have way
to much to offer this world!

Anonymous said...

I thought you were from NY (NJ)! You know WNEW, The METS, Best pizza in the world?!
I love ya Zoooma and hear where your coming from, BUT STOP BEING A P*SSY! Seriously do us NY guys proud and man up! Your whining like the little liberal wusses you depise!
I owe you more than you know, from finding this site and for whatever reason, hate to see what it/you have become.

Take a break if you have to, but LIVE man!

Jerry and the Boys will always be here! Family and friends(have those beers with them!) are what's important, the rest is crap...

Best Wishes Man,
Ron H.

Nazz Nomad said...

i'm drinkin' beer for breakfast...I'm happy all the time.

i heartily endorse your journey into booze-dom. Self medication is the only thing keeping me above ground for the most part.

ps - if you can't whine on your blog, then, where can ya whine! Self expression, baBY!

pss- my band was trying to get the gig opening for living colour at mexicali blues but the club wanted us to guarantee 100 people would be there to see us.

Sam said...

Zooma, it's been a while since I stopped by..... for that I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry the downers still have a hold on you. Many times you were an inspirational kick-in-the-pants for me, and many of those times I don't doubt for a second you would have followed the kick with a hug if we'd been face to face. (And possibly, but only possibly, if we knew each other better.) I wish I could return the favor now, my friend. Much love to you. Much thoughts. And much prayer. Take what you want from that list and hold on tight.

And wow, a multiple PJ post followed by multiple PJ comments. I remember why I like you so much. I know, shallow but from the heart.

Anonymous said...

Marijuana is the only proper drug for humans. Alcohol is evil.

one says one number and the other another
but they were set at the same time. Hmmm...

Calvin and Hobbes in the snow -- animated